


As It Should Be

by KorrinBelle



Series: Domesticia [17]
Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Babies, Domestic Fluff, Family Bonding, M/M, Surrogate Pregnancy, Worry, not mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 11:25:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6564349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KorrinBelle/pseuds/KorrinBelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not unusual for new parents to have trouble bonding with their children, but when Rin makes it looks so easy Ryuuji can't but wonder if the problem lies with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As It Should Be

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for the unexplained extended hiatus... I am not worthy. I am garbage, trash, the worst...  
> Because I like to have a nice backlog of stories to prevent me from writing myself in to a corner or from causing huge delays in publication (cries), I keep trying to finish series before I start publishing them, but I'm finding myself much more motivated to write when I have solid deadlines and know people are waiting on me, so... I'm going to try to post a chapter of "something", every week.  
> So, we're starting things back up with a chapter of Domesticia.  
> Again, I'm really sorry for the delays. ;u;
> 
> Also, because I'm getting a few comments that lead me to believe people think otherwise, I'm now tagging this story very clearly as NOT Mpreg... smh

            Ryuuji patted down his pockets, making sure he had his phone, keys, and wallet, then picked up the stack of papers in his In Box and tapped it on his desk, perfectly lining up the edges before placing it in his briefcase. He then looked up at the nearby clock and sighed. It was five o’clock, so he could leave now, but would anyone hold it against him if he just put his head down on his desk and took a little nap?

            Well… Rin probably would.

            Everyone knew he was a new father so it was only natural that he should want to hurry home, but it was Rin who wanted him to give up the overtime, even going as far as to forsake his normal “no work at home” rule if it meant having Ryuuji home more often. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to go home. He was just tired. Bone tired. It had been one month—just one month—since Lily had come home from the hospital and neither of them had gotten a good night sleep since. Saying they were having trouble adjusting would be an understatement.

            Shiemi came by during the day to drop off milk and help Rin while she was still on leave, but in the evenings, when Ryuuji came home from work, it was like stepping in to a different world—one he didn’t feel ready to deal with and which was completely at odds with the fact that he still went to work every day as if nothing had changed.

            Except a lot had changed.

            Rin was no longer around to share lunch with, breaking up the drudgery of the day with his smile. In fact none of the people he normally spent his free time with were around. Shiemi was still on leave, Koneko had transferred in to the R&D department, and Shima? Well, his espionage work had him disappear for months at a time. Ryuuji tried to think of the last time he’d seen the other man and came up blank.

            There was always Izumo, but she’d probably complain about the imposition and then tell him to suck it up and get over it.

            Work wasn’t the only thing different either. He went home to a different apartment—a bigger apartment in a more family friendly area, but not the apartment he and Rin had built their life in. It was just… another thing he had to get used to.

            It wasn’t like Rin was magically having an easier time of it either. The first time Rin missed cooking dinner because he was too tired and too busy Ryuuji got his head damn near bit off for even questioning it. The next day he called Rin to see if he wanted him to pick something up and got chewed out for waking Lily.

            Exhaustion had them both on their last nerve, but the worst part was that Ryuuji felt like an outsider. He couldn’t complain about Rin’s mood, because he was tired too, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t expected a child to be a lot of work. But sometimes, when he came home, and Rin wasn’t in a bad mood, he’d be the polar opposite—excited to tell Ryuuji about how Lily smiled at him or held his finger. But when Ryuuji was home Lily just cried. Sometimes she slept and ate, but mostly she just cried.

            He glanced up at the clock again. Ten after. He snapped his briefcase shut with a sigh. He couldn’t put it off any longer before Rin might question it, and he didn’t want to lie or make up an excuse.

            He left the office, picking up Chinese take-out on his way home—better safe than sorry, right?—and made his way towards their new apartment. He missed the old place—small as it had been, it had been home.

            He made it all the way through the building and was standing in front of their door before he realized how quiet it was. Lily’s cries had greeted him upon his arrival home every day to the point that he’d almost gotten used to it.

            Too quiet.

            His heart leapt in to his throat as he fumbled his key in the lock, his already tumultuous thoughts turning towards all the causes of such a damning silence and stumbled in to the entryway as he finally got the door open. He started to shout—Rin’s name on the tip of his tongue—but caught himself at the last second.

            Rin was sitting on the couch, his head lolling over the back as he snored. Lily was sound asleep, secure in his arms.

            Ryuuji took a soft silent breath as he stilled his racing heart, and then made his way to the kitchen, leaving the take-out on the counter. He was hungry, but it could wait. He wasn’t about to wake either of them, not when joining them seemed like the much better option.

            He returned to the living room with the intention of putting Lily down in her crib, but found her awake, her tiny eyes following him as he entered the room. He hesitated for a moment, unsure of what to do, when she started to fuss, squirming in Rin’s arms. He crossed the room quickly, gently scooping Lily up and hoping he could quiet her before she woke Rin.

            Cradling her in his arms, he supported her head the way Rin and Shiemi had shown him, yet was somehow certain he was doing it wrong. She seemed so tiny and fragile as he rocked her, trying to calm her, and he had to wonder if Rin felt like this all the time; as if he could crush the life out of something by simply moving the wrong way.

            She continued to fuss, starting to cry, and he was even more convinced he was doing something wrong. Ryuuji looked helplessly to Rin despite the fact that he was still sound asleep on the couch, but then thought better about waking him. Rin could be “grumpy” when woken up at the best of times. Disturbing him now when he was hopelessly exhausted was asking for trouble, but if he didn’t do something soon Lily’s crying would wake him anyways.

            He held her up and gave a tentative sniff—she didn’t smell like she needed a change—then he noticed the bottle lying on the couch beside Rin’s limp hand; a small spot of milk staining the couch where milk leaked from the tip.

            Of course. Rin must have been trying to feed her when they both dozed off. Her tiny stomach meant many tiny feedings. It was the primary reason they were all lacking in sleep.

            He grabbed the bottle and took Lily in to the kitchen, trying to give Rin more time to sleep.

            Now how did you do this? He’d only done it once, very briefly at the hospital when the nurse had come in to teach them. Did he need to get a new bottle? This one should have been good for a few hours after coming out of the fridge, and Lily and Rin couldn’t have been asleep that long, so maybe it was fine? Probably?

            He erred on the side of caution, setting the used bottle aside and pulling a fresh one from the fridge. Did he need to warm it up? That was more… natural, right?

            He started running the bottle under hot water in the sink as Lily’s fussing changed from discontented gurgling to actual crying. She fidgeted, squirming in his arms as he struggled to support her one handed while warming the bottle with the other before giving up on that and sitting down at the kitchen table.

            He rubbed the bottle against her lips, trying to entice her to drink, but she turned away from it, crying harder and kicking feebly against his chest. Ryuuji pursed his lips as he tried not to let his frustration deter him. Crying was supposed to mean she wanted something, right? How many things could a baby possibly want, and how did Rin make this look so easy? Was this why Rin always rushed to care for Lily when she cried? Because he didn’t think Ryuuji could do it?

            The downward spiral of his thoughts halted as Lily took the bottle in her mouth, closing her eyes and balling her tiny hands in to fists as she instantly quieted.

            Oh…

_Oh._

            A tight, warm feeling tugged at Ryuuji’s chest, not unlike the way he’d felt the first time he’d told Rin he liked him—the fear and anticipation, and the exultation when Rin had smiled and said he liked him back, in spite of their disastrous first date. It was a feeling which told you that despite the fear and the uncertainty, despite all the miss-steps along the way, everything was as it should be and would be alright; that the risk had been worth it.

            That warm feeling in his chest swelled, blossoming like a flower as she opened bright, inquisitive eyes and looked up at him as she continued to drink, waving her tiny hands and trying to grasp the bottle, but not yet understanding how to use her own hands. She released it from her mouth, coming up for air with a tiny little gasp and smiling up at him before going back for seconds.

            A muffled curse came from the living room, followed by Rin’s panicked voice as he called out for Lily.

            “In here,” Ryuuji said, and Rin darted in to the kitchen, wide eyed and on high alert. He sighed in relief and let his shoulders slump only after he’d seen that he hadn’t really fallen asleep and somehow lost their baby.

            He groaned, scrubbing at his tired eyes before reaching out for her.

            “I got her,” Ryuuji said and nodded toward the Chinese food on the counter. “Sit. Eat.”

            Rin didn’t even hesitate, his whole body sagging with relief as he grabbed a pair of chopsticks and started to eat directly out of one of the cartons. He’d eaten more than half the box before he came up for air, releasing a deeply contented sigh.

            “Oh, I needed that so bad,” Rin groaned as he slumped down in to a chair, letting his head fall to rest against their kitchen table. Ryuuji snorted and sat down across from him with Lily. Rin looked up at him, his eyes rimmed with dark, tired circles, and smiled.

            “She’s finally eating,” he said as if just noticing.

            “She hasn’t been?”

            Rin shook his head as much as he was able with his cheek still pressed against the table. “She’s been refusing feedings and crying all day, and I couldn’t figure out why. I was starting to worry she was sick or something.”

            Ryuuji shook his head, quietly laughing at himself.

            “What?” Rin asked, his voice tight with annoyance.

            “Nothing,” Ryuuji said quickly.

            And here he’d thought Rin had some kind of magic touch he lacked.

            He looked down at Lily as she released the bottle, smacking her lips, finally having eaten her fill after what had apparently been a long day for all of them.

            “Oh, she’s done? Here,” Rin said standing and reaching for her once more, “She’s gotta’ be burped now.”

            “ _I got it_ ,” Ryuuji said again, this time more forcefully as he angled her away from him. It was the first time he’d felt like him and Lily had made a real connection, and he wasn’t about to let Rin hog her like he usually did, until he or Lily decided they were done.

            “Okay, okay,” Rin said with a laugh as he held his hands up before going back to the Chinese food.

            Ryuuji eyed him warily for a moment before fetching a dish towel and draping it over his shoulder to catch anything Lily might spit up, before positioning her so he could gently pat her back and get rid of any air she might have accidentally ingested. Rin watched him quietly for a moment, a tiny, knowing smirk working its way on to his face.

            “Is there anything you _would_ like me to do?” Rin probed innocently, the teasing lilt of his voice making it clear that he was simply offering—and that he’d noticed Ryuuji’s unusual defensive posturing.

            Ryuuji flushed briefly at having been caught, but sighed even as a resigned smile crossed his lips. He knew he had overreacted, and he felt slightly guilty for even questioning Rin’s motives. Perhaps he had been reflecting his own insecurities on to Rin, but at the same time he was almost glad he had been, otherwise he might not have tried so hard to prove himself.

            If he hadn’t, he might have missed this.

            He looked down at Lily who was still for once, not crying, and then back at Rin who was still picking at the remnants of the box of Chinese food.

            “Yeah,” he said softly, finally answering Rin’s question, “Leave some food for me.”

            Rin laughed, a sharp bark of mirth in the tiny kitchen, and snagged a piece of pork with the chopsticks before leaning across the table, offering it to Ryuuji. He rolled his eyes, but leaned forward and ate it anyway, continuing to bounce Lily, gently patting her back as a comfortable silence fell around them like a blanket, secure and warm.

            This… It wasn’t so bad. Ryuuji looked across the table to Rin, who smiled when he noticed the glance, holding up another piece of pork in offering. This was how it was supposed to be; a family, a single unit facing their problems together.

            Ryuuji leaned forward and took the food again, letting Rin care for him as he cared for their daughter.

            If this is what they had to look forward to—little moments like this, where everything clicked together perfectly—then maybe… Maybe all the crying and late nights would be worth it.


End file.
